I had a either goatee/stache combo or a full beard for a number of years. This was for two reasons; Reason #1: It hid my fleshed out cheeks and the 2nd/3rd/4th... chin pretty well. I did have to put up with the Santa Claus jokes come Christmas time but it was a small price to pay to avoid potential law suits if I were out in public and suddenly swung my head sharply to the side (I'll pause a moment to see if you get that one)

Reason # 2: Soft, chubby skin is hard to shave. We men are supposed to tighten out the skin of our face so as to get a close and nick-free shave; however when one can tighten one's skin only by placing one's head in a vice and stepping away, nicks are going to become a way of life. You either buy stock in toilet paper, or give up shaving. Fortunately my civillian job allowed facial hair so I thought problem solved.

However, having facial hair isn't all it is cracked up to be. Sure it makes you look dangerous and cool, but there is a lot of maintenance involved. You have to make sure it stays food-free (or risk even more jokes as people ask you if you are saving that piece of cheese in your beard for a snack later etc.) and you also have to groom it or you run the risk of being mistaken for not only Santa but Grizzly Adams (if you are scratching your head and thinking, "Who is Grizzly Adams?", you are too young and I am getting too old).

Also, being the proud father of an almost one year old, I have discovered that my daughter loves to grab EVERYTHING incuding my facial hair which really HURTS!

So I broke down and broke out the razor, only this time, when I went to pull on my face, I noticed it actually tightened! I got very excited as I ran the razor to and fro and came away with a clean-shaven and nick-free face. Thanks NS!

Now all I have to do is put up with the baby-face jokes and everything will be peachy.

 

 

In addition to the numerical goals I have been keeping, I decided to have a non-numerical goal as well. It was originally going to be the twig and berries goal but I decided that may not be the most appropriate of goals to blog about so I changed it to the toes goal. The way it works is that I want to be able to stand up straight and be able to see my toes. This seemed like a good goal to have until I realized that my massive, muscular pecs got in the way which kind of nixed that plan. It's really kind of difficult some time being as muscular as I am (especially when there is a lot of fat coating the muscles so that people cannot really tell you have muscles but just really think you are a lot fatter than you actually are... deep breath). Another goal I was kicking around was the amazing disappearing tushy goal. This has a couple of advantages as it is a fairly simple way to keep motivated and also, the more my love handles shrink the easier it will be to swing around and look at the amazing disappearing tushy as well, so there's an added bonus to that.

This was definitely an experience where I am still glad I am a lot smaller than what I used to be, but the weight elimination has caused some difficulties. Now that my waist has shrunk from 50 inches to 42 inches I decided to have my suits taken in and altered. Some of you more experienced folk may be chuckling already at the futility of that exercise, but I, in my ignorance, really did not think it would be a problem. So I take my suits to this Vietnamese tailor my father-in-law uses. I set the suits down and told her I need them taken in, she nods and asks how much, I reply: "8 inches please", and she exploded into a lengthy explanation of the impossibility of my request. Unfortunately she said this initially in Vietnamese so I had no idea what she was telling me. After she had repeated herself in English (all the while complimenting me at how much I have shrunk) she shook her head in a matronly way and advised that I should donate these suits to Goodwill and purchase some new ones. For some this would seem like exciting news, a chance to buy new clothes. I am however not one of those people who relishes shopping (of any kind), I also just plunked down a substantial sum for a new car AND at almost 70lbs eliminated I am only halfway toward my goal meaning more shopping excursions are in my future. Almost makes me want to head to the nearest Shipley's and order a dozen bear claws. (no it doesn't :)

Are there any UTSA Roadrunners or Norwich Cadets out there? Ok, something mildly humourous, The yoga position Child's pose actually is based on the way that children sleep. Who knew? Becoming a parent has made so many things clear (like I know who the red dude is on the Kia Sorrento commercial)

I was thumbing through the different blogs and was astonished to see how many animals and cartoons are trying to shed a few pounds! I am all for it. I wish my cats would consider going on NS. First off I could use the $60.00 buddy bucks, second off, when my cats lie down they can no longer rest on their paws, no they have to slump over to one side whereupon they actually look more like two or three cats. I tried putting them on the special weight control formula but they responded by merely eating the dog's food. The dog is about 3X the size of the cats but is in fact afraid of them. She does absolutely nothing to protect her turf. I then end up giving her more food which subsequently also gets turned over to the cats. I am not so sure about the cartoons since they really are at the mercy of those who draw them; however (and this is just my observations) most of the cartoon characters don't seem to need to slim down anyway.

If you've read my profile, you know one of my fears is the dreaded Southwest situation where I am deemed too fat to fly unless I have a second seat for my superfluous flab. If that isn't a motivation for eliminating fat, I don't know what is. I have always been able to get the hand rests down but I knew I wasn't too far away from the time when an overly-pleasant flight attendant would lean over and politely ask me if I wouldn't mind following her out of the plane. In my doomsday vision I am also seated at the back of the plane and so everyone gets to watch me wobble down the aisle, knowing exactly why I am being asked to leave. I am doing well enough, but if I needed a motivational reboot it was watching Kevin Smith on CNN last night. What I was afraid of happening to me happened to him; probably not the best person to kick off a flight, even if he did meet the MCA (maximum chair allowance). Once again Southwest takes one in the teeth for their "skinny-person only" policy. (I exaggerate of course but it is my blog and so I don't care) While I certainly am happy that I am now 61 lbs lighter than I once was and I appreciate any kind of motivation even if it is negative, I never really got Southwest's reasoning behind this policy. I imagined a group of people (all skinny) sitting around a conference room trying to come up with ways to cut costs without charging for bags because that is their IT thing. I am sure the fat-person policy made perfect sense to them. Someone would have a carefully designed powerpoint presentation of why fat people would comply. There would be bullet-pointed reasons like: obviously they would know they are fat and so they would not find it unreasonable to make accomodations for the non-fat. The only problem is if you are at all like me (and after reading a lot of the blogs I think most probably are) you are really good at coming up with ways to either deny the fact you are fat or to rationalize why it is not your fault. (For me it took photographic evidence of me at my brother's wedding covering up both my brother and his bride when I stood behind them). So I am sure it is a complete shock to Southwest (but not the rest of the world) why it seems every time they try to enforce this policy it meets with disasterous public relations results. Maybe they should give up on the fat-person policy and just break down and charge for bags like everyone else.

Girl Scout cookies really are evil. They are really really really really good and they are deceptively small so it is incredibly easy to rationalize eating an entire box in one sitting. I mean even, the name of THIN mints implies that one could possibly get thin by eating them. I don't even need NS anymore, I am now on the Thin Mint diet.

This is a continuation of an earlier blog of mine titled: "NS and Eating Lunch at the Office" So now that I am closing in on the sixty pound eliminated mark, it is kind of hard to conceal the fact that I have made major dietary changes. I do not get the interview I got before when people see me eating my NS Fettuccini Alfredo (one container), green beans (1 cup raw) and carrot (one medium). I also do not get crazy looks when I pop open either a diet root-beer or diet 7up. (For those of who you who read and responded to my first blog regarding aspartame, see how I chose caffeine-free diet drinks? I know, I am proud of me too). However, another interview has crept up to take its place. It is no longer an interrogation per se (along with the always enjoyable visual judgement people make when they see me eating NS. I am sure everyone has received the "look" that simultaneously can say, "yup, you definitely should be on a diet", and also, "Yeah good luck with that fatty"), however it is more like I have become a non-paid infomercial. I usually sit down, break out my food and start chomping away on a mushroom (1 cup raw) and I will inevitably see someone glance over and then immediately turn away, as if by merely looking at me they were indicting themselves as a "fat person" in need of "help". So I continue eating my food, slowly, knowing what will come next. After a few more head turns (barring any sudden outbreak of whiplash) the person who has been eyeballing me will get up, look around the room to make sure no one notices them come up to me, and slide into the open seat. (For those of you who have read the original blog, yes I still bring a book to lunch, and no it still does not deter people). "You have lost some weight." is the most common opening. I have a prepared reply and that is also a topic from an earlier post so I won't go into it here. Then there is the awkward silence as I wait, patiently, for them to ask the next most common question. "So it really works?" Fortunately my poker face is quite good so I do not burst out laughing. In my head, my British-trained wit is going into overdrive "NO IT DOESN'T WORK! I JUST EAT THE NS BECAUSE IT IS REALLY REALLY GOOD, BUT I DISCOVERED LITTLE FAT EATING GNOMES THAT VISIT ME IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT AND EFFORTLESS AND PAINLESSLY SUCK IT ALL UP TO POWER THEIR LITTLE FAT EATING GNOME SPACESHIPS! THAT IS HOW I HAVE DESTROYED SO MUCH WEIGHT THAT YOU YOURSELF ACKNOWLEDGED WHEN YOU FIRST CAME OVER! But I usually just say... "Yes." Then there is yet another period of awkward silence where they decide whether or not they risk people noticing them talking to the NS guy so that they can get more information. If they stay, I wait for the follow up questions which can come in various order. They include, cost, is the food good and is it really true that there is no measuring involved? (The last question is the subject of yet another blog entitled $%#@#$ Marie Osmond). I answer the questions as tactfully and politely as possible. I truthfully tell them that NS is the only weight-loss system that has ever worked and I am making it a permanent part of my life. The food actually is good and it forced me to change my fruit/vegetable intake from .012% to about 90%. I feel better and life is much more fun. Finally, the person will once again look around, as if they had just conducted a drug buy and I was the dealer, and then smile and go away. I actually like these conversations because it makes me eat even slower! I wonder what kind of interviews I'll be having when I annihilate another 60 lbs?

I had an experience this morning that made me realize just how integrated NS has become in my life. When I woke up this morning the pipes had frozen. I was still waking up and so I was not thinking rationally but once I realized that there was no water coming out of the faucet, I did not think about how I could not use the toilet, or take a shower or brush my teeth, no the first thing I thought was: "How am I going to get my 64+ ounces!" Of course, once I woke up fully and realized what had happened, I just grabbed my wife's industrial strength hair dryer (think Spaceballs) and made short work of the frozen pipe. But it did make me chuckle that when faced with the potential problem of having no water, my mind bypassed all of the traditional concerns and went straight to NS!

I always get my 64 oz. of water and then I spend the rest of the day going to the bathroom every twenty minutes. I get quite a number of stares but no one says anything because deep down, no one really wants to know WHY I am going to the bathroom every twenty minutes. However, what I am wondering about tonight is why NS wants us to add the extra water to our total. I didn't even know I had a total, I thought the magic number was 64 oz. But you can add almost twice that amount and NS does state that it will be added to your total. What is this total? Is there a databank somewhere that is tabulating how much water I drink on a particular day and then report this information to some mercurial higher power? I live in San Antonio TX which has been affected by a drought for the last year. Does this information get passed to the water board and if I go over some personal water quota will armed, black-clad water SWAT officers break down my door? This is serious stuff though probably not terribly accurate. Just to be safe maybe I should drink more beer and less water. However, the total could be some sort of reward system. Once I reach ten gallons I get some sort of prize. That would actually be kinda cool; a free month of NS would be awesome and would definitely motivate me to drink more water. What I would NOT want is another bear. I love NS and it is definitely working for me, but I am just not down with the bear. I would be willing to not have the bear at all as it would most likely defray the overall cost. Or if NS really wants to give me a present, maybe a gift card to Nordstroms so I can buy new clothes every couple of months until I reach my goal. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME. Whatever the reason, water is good, NS is good and I am happy so I will not worry about it anymore...

Ok, this will not in any way be NS related but I cannot contain myself anymore. As Linus famously prognosticated so many years ago, society has grossly over commercialized Christmas. They are hitting us with Christmas earlier and earlier each year in the hopes of selling enough stuff to at least make up some of their losses. Christmas is now all about buying things (maybe Scrooge was right).

I have tried to have my blinders on as I go through my day, ignoring the Christmas commercials, ignoring the holiday decorations going on outside the stores, ignoring the Santas hitting the "all you can eat" buffets to get in shape for their big debuts...

However, I was driving home yesterday and I stopped at a light.This was a long light so I took a look around to see if anything was new in the area. I swung my head left, nothing, I took a look in my rearview mirror, nothing. I turned my head to the right...

It was there...

It could not be avoided...

A Christmas tree farm had been established off to the side of the road.

It wasn't being planned.

It wasn't being constructed.

It was there, fully stocked with every kind of fir tree imaginable in all shapes and sizes.

It was open for businness.

I cannot imagine how anyone in their right mind would be a christmas tree two weeks into November? Even with all of the garden technology available to us in these modern times, I fail to see how any christmas tree would be able to survive 7-8 weeks (I can usually keep 'em green for about 3 if I use spray praint).

This has gotten way way out of hand.

Oh misery, thy name is Linus Van Pelt.