Rick again thanks but buy your best friend a Ham Bone and your landlord a Pecan Pie or something, something that will be more useful that sending me 20 bucks, you get points for heaven for the thought ,OKay.

Am I right getting out the truck for a few months, which means giving up my job, but I should be able to get another job, right, of course, but can't get another life if I lose this one, so it's a no brainer, find a nice little hidey hole, ( studio apt ) somewhere, hopefully warm for a minimum of 60 days and find the local gym and beg for help in losing my weight and let them know I will be using NS as my food supply.

Am I nuts doing this , am I nuts for not doing it, as if all goes well maybe by Christmas I will have the money top jump ship and get a place, and 2 months of NS too, hopefully pre-paid by me of course.

If I am lucky I can be like Rick and many others here who began at or over 400lbs and now have lost lots of weight. all inspirations to me, congrats all and contiued success.

Patrick Kane

pktruckdriver@msn.com

Thansk Rick, nice words and everyone else, now jobs are scarce now and having one is absolutely necessary when one is broke, and homeless. I have one for now and am trrying to save enough to get an efficency apt, or something similar to help me for 30-60 days , maybe a roomate scenario, but nothing in the local papers for roomates, so far.

Now does anyone have a part of the country, where I could get a room for 30-60 days for around 250-400 a month and also get NS for 2 months at 300 a month, which totals about 1500-2000 for 60days and I am getting there but will need over 3-5  wks of work here to get there, but this week is my 1st full paycheck and yes half is gone in previous bills, but then I am current and only have a verizon bill of 230 a month, that's it, oh and an IRS bill for 105 each month, but that is all my bills for now, amazing , huh?

I just found out my company does not and will not allow me to take the time to do this and have me work part-time or as an on call driver, because I need to get on a regiment of a daily routine , up and eat and excersise and this all needs to be scheduled and followed, hard to do , for me yes, very hard, and will 2 months be enough to change my ways, to get me on the path , or road to recovery, yes recovery, as recovering my life back.

This may be too much for a blog, but any idea's, on where I may go to find effeciencies apts and possible part-time jobs that will help me get this done, as Florida is out, because this is snowbird season and prices are thru the roof, Seattle area would be nice, but that isn't possible because it is too expensive there too, so maybe this state of Indiana may work well , as prices are low here, but work is scarce, but not part-time 7-11 or Wendy's type of work to keep me busy, but to help with the incidentals i'll need , no?

Well let's here what you people suggest as , I need to change so let me get the money together , which I am slowly doing and then get a place a begin this journey and see where it takes me, take a leap of faith as they say, but....this is not aa attempt at getting money or anything  like that, as Rick and a few others who tried to give me where turned down, as I not after your money, but more like your boot on my azz, to keep me inline once I get in line that is, words of encouragement, suggestions and idea's, thast is what I do not have, and need so drastically, friends who are closer enough to kick when needed, and I need kicking now, if ever I did

Not yet sure when my next appereance will be, could be tomorrow , or next week, but before next I need to start this journey, as my time is wearing out, I know my body is telling me go now and do this, but my wallet say I must wait a few more good weeks and then see if I have enough, most places need 1st, last and deposit, and if I get utilities included that helps too, but this numbness and tingling and such is telling me to hurry up too.

So please keep praying I will make it in time to get better soon enough, thanks

Patrick Kane

pktruckdriver@msn.com

360-915-3445

Well I hear this now loud and clear, and I am scared to death, big 450lb wuss,

Why am I scared, well the choices I need to make may cost me my job, possibly my ability to ever do my job again, BUT...not doing it will cost me my LIFE, how can this be something I even hesitate about, yet I am, and going bacvk re-reading my posts, make me even sadder and more pathetic to myself,

Rick I pray for you man and your call was very nice, and no your money was not what I wanted, what I wanted was your friendship, the phone calls, that support one can give the other, what each one here has, and I am trying to get, as well a pair of something to get busy doing what I am suppose to dO...

Who reads this and has been homeless, anyone, who reads this and is almost constantly broke, besides Rick, as Rick inspires me, he has a place to live thou, I'm trying to work towards that, but it may be too late for me, but listen to this , more excuses, maybe it is time to act.

It most likely will cost me this job if I goto the hospital and claim numbeness and shortness of breath and such, I just started this and still have not gotten my 1st full paycheck, which is due this Friday, I was surely hoping to get that, before and then maybe a month of them and get me small place for 6 months and then goto the hospital and show up eachday at the places where I need help and this way, it will be done as a hiatus, time away from trucking to get my health in order, but can I make it till I get enough money to do that.

In Huntington/Warren ,Indina I need to find out what 6 months rent , rent that will include utilities if possible and then getbusy with getting better, no more excuses at that point.

With my current checks being about 500 or so, how long will it take for me to get to the point getting out the truck for awhile, this is stuff I am trying to calculate, but local social services and church groups can help me if I stay put and get busy doing what I am supposed to do, results thru actions, no more talking about it, no more using the truck as an excuse, eliminate all excuses and get busy doing what I need to do, and yes I'd find friends to help me once out of the truck and in one place.

BUt then this numbeness , it really is something that can't wait another month can it?

So do I wait or go now and .........??????

patrick kane

pktruckdriver@msn.com

360-915-3445 

It seems that I do have friends here and will try to suck it up as they say,can't promise much as I always seems to fall off the program, any program, so far.

I am worried now about my health as i have a numbness in my lower left leg and almost fall down when it goes numb, only been happening less than a week, also got 1 blister that popped on my other leg just above the sockline, but then the numbness thing scares me to death, but what to do , i live on the road in a truck.

I was turned down for health care by state of indiana, guess I wasn't pregnant or an alien resident, they said that , not me, oh well.

Still cheating, but will once again try to focus and get myself back on water, and limit the chips, won't be easy, I promise that, this is one habit that seems to be too tough for me to do by myself, and that is what I am , all by myself, whaaaaaaa, I know, but the truth is the truth, i am alone, really. and the holidays too, so deppressing, but that is how life is with me lately, one big mis adventure.

Most people on NS have the family and support, and most need to lose about 40lbs or less, so they do not know the real horror of my situation, now some do, really they do, but I think you can say they are not alone, and don't live in a truck, never sleeping in the same town night after night, neighbor's and friends and fellow employee's, besides family all there to help, and with that help comes your success.

I tried shelters and hospitals and was turned away, yes turned away for this reason or that, even went to the company i was working with, nothing, tried a few churches, but being on the road and nevr around did me no good, so don't think Ihaven't tried this scenario before, as Ihave and was turned away, so trying toask again, really leads to no where, you try asking tyhese places and see what they tell you.

more later but remeber i still pray for you all and thank you for your prayers for me

patrick kane

pktruckdriver@msn.com

Thank you one and all, I am now limited to my postings as my computer blew, thou some has mentioned to me that maybe a new motherboard may fix it, about 150 or so , used, well if that works then maybe in a week or 2, I will try that , because spending 500 or more on a new  or used one isn't possible for awhile.

I miss my computer, but it does not help me lose weight , as I am now way off the wagon, sorry but no lies here, I am running this wagon with those big old Clydesdales from Budeweiser, unfortunately.

I am not proud of this as I am ashamed a little but , I am also very very scared, really I am , but what am I to do, no Family Doctor, no Family here that cares enough to help me, people in Germany , yes but would you go there, not speaking the language and being broke, remember I am not a especially bright individual, I am 46 yrs old and over 450lbs, with no end in sight.

Chips and Pepsi, breakfasts to die for, (pun, for affect) and I see nothing stopping me , I for some reason are not able to quit eating, I am now being affected as I feel numbness in my lower legs and some kind of blistering on my lower legs above the sock line, muscle tighning, almost like charlie horses, this scares me , but I eat any way, why.

I know Dan Marino and Don Shula did NS,but who we fooling neither one would give the time day to me and see that I succeed, now they are great people , they really are, but they have many Dr.'s and personal trainers and lots of support, they are not alone driving a truck and have no one to kick them in the azz to stay on track, no they have plenty of people to kick them in the azz to get them back into shape, using the NS  food to do so, mostly, yes this works I do n ot doubt it , not for a minute, but I can not stick with it......

Time running out for this visit, I had one call from a guy in Florida, nice guy, he lost alot of weight too, I thank him for that call, but no one else called, except one text, from a friend I found here.  Then I was told about the scammer thing and I am sorry that was tough to deal with, scam , man the world is a tough place, even for 46 year old fat guys screaming out loud for help and being accused of a fraud, you see my picture, do you need a current with a headline in it?

I must go and am shamed that I let you down and fell off the wagon, I feel that I just gave up and I really do not want to die, but I can't stop eating and doing nothing, I figure diabetes is upon me now and it's a matter of time, but maybe God still has a miracle for me, I hope so.

pktruckdriver@msn.com

It seems that a few here think I am a fraud, con artist or some such, and when I think about it and think about the world today, okay.

But I am not a con man, I have refused money from a few people here, you know who you are, but I did take aweek of NS food from John, I had to try  it out and liked it well enough.

Now if someone offered me a private plane to take me to Germany and then give me a few grand to write some articles about how Germans feel about overweight Americans, that I might take, but let's be real who will do that for me?

Taking a 100 here or 200 here will do me no good in the long run, I work hard and do my best here, I did well enough to get to almost 500lbs, didn't I? I hung on as an Owner Operator loneeeger than most did,but eventually failed and was very close to being back on the streets again, but God willing that did not happen, and yet with all God did for me I am still not able to get control of my weight, or eating habits, why why why why, who knows why, please tell me, cause I can not figure it out.

It isn't to get pity from you guys and gals here. or to be thought of as a con man, nope it was to find some way to conquer this once and for all, maybe being a truck driver is not the answer, but it has got to be as I have nothing else to do or nowhere to live, so trying something else is out for now, till I work long enough to afford to try something else, which may be too long the way I am going now.

I must cool down and hit the road to Maine, no telling when I will be back on a computer again, as mine is toast, till then God bless you all.

patrick Kane

360-915-3445

Things are bad again.back to normal eating and nothing good in sight, why why why?

I am back to the old ways and with my demotion in jobs( actually the pay here is limited to the miles I can run a week, and that is maxiumu 3000, which translates to about 400 after taxes, the max I could make in a week, which most likely will always be less than the maximum , more like 300 a week, very very little to try to save anything from) and I do not see getting out of this funk anytime soon, especially with my now limited finacial possibilities of maybe 3-400 a week,it would seem getting the things I need, the fridge (450.00) and microwave,( <100) for the truck, Not at the present pay scale I'm making now, it will never happen now, and yet I was so pshyched not so long ago, again why why why, all the walls thrown up in front of me.

My laptop blew up, doing some F Bios update from windows and it never recovered, and getting a new one at my wages may take some time indeed, it seems visits to the library to do any updating is the new order for the coming months.

My trip to Germany , it seems that too is out as it is too expensive round trip to Duesseldorf and back, even one-way, same price practically,and this seems to be what I should do, as I will have a place to live and people willing to do what is necessary for me to lose weight, people who care and love me, which I am is short supply of here in the USA, except those I met here on this site, but y'all are not my family, not yet, and these people in Germany wish to help me, but they too are not doing so great finacially, but are surviving and willing to take me in to help me out, what to do, I got my passport, but.... need advice please.

Whata loser I am did you reaad this stuff, My God I am a big baby, but I got an eating problem that I can't overcome by myself, so what do I do? I must do something, doing nothing will kill me for sure, so maybe Germany may help, God help me, I speak no German and have no money, Lord what now?

I keep working here, what else can I do, but I am already back to my old ways of eating, and pepsi's too at 1 a day, for now, and my big breakfast and then , let's not say as I am ashamed, but am helpless to stop, why why why, others can stop and get help, why not me, because they got friends and family and money ( this means a home and family and friends with each day, unlike me on the road with no one and no home either,so I am up againgst it, why why why?)

Patrick Kane                      

360-915-3445

feel free to call and yell at me if you want, not sure it would help, but I'll try anything, I do really enjoy living, and would love to take back my life, but I am losing the battle, for now...

mailto:pktruckdriver@msn.com

    I had an omelette for breakfast and bowl of oatmeal, too much I know but I am trying to get enough food to get healthy again, been trying to kick this flu/virus for over a month now, went thru the entire 2 bottles of Anti-biotics and still have some lingering affects going on,too man to name here.  

   For all those who prayed for me thank you all, very very much, my prayers go out to you  too.

The next few days may be more difficult to blog as I will be busy with orienatation from at least 6-6, so I will do my best.

God Bless

Today I had a big breakfast, eggs , potatoes, and toast with ham, kinda splurged, but was hungry.

I am going to be  driving over the road, for 2 weeks at a time, then need to get a place for the weekend twice a month, I guess. I am sure this will work out okay, as God has had his hand all over this.

More Later

God Bless

It seems I was so happy to get a ride , that I forgot my cell phone in the van, but they did find it and got it back to last note about midnight, very nice of them.

What do I do when biscuits and gravy is then free breakfast, do I par-take of the free food,or go with out?  I ate 1 biscuit with no gravy, wasn't easy.

My prayers are with you all

God Bless