pktruckdriver : Thursday 11/5

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Thursday 11/5

Things are bad again.back to normal eating and nothing good in sight, why why why?

I am back to the old ways and with my demotion in jobs( actually the pay here is limited to the miles I can run a week, and that is maxiumu 3000, which translates to about 400 after taxes, the max I could make in a week, which most likely will always be less than the maximum , more like 300 a week, very very little to try to save anything from) and I do not see getting out of this funk anytime soon, especially with my now limited finacial possibilities of maybe 3-400 a week,it would seem getting the things I need, the fridge (450.00) and microwave,( <100) for the truck, Not at the present pay scale I'm making now, it will never happen now, and yet I was so pshyched not so long ago, again why why why, all the walls thrown up in front of me.

My laptop blew up, doing some F Bios update from windows and it never recovered, and getting a new one at my wages may take some time indeed, it seems visits to the library to do any updating is the new order for the coming months.

My trip to Germany , it seems that too is out as it is too expensive round trip to Duesseldorf and back, even one-way, same price practically,and this seems to be what I should do, as I will have a place to live and people willing to do what is necessary for me to lose weight, people who care and love me, which I am is short supply of here in the USA, except those I met here on this site, but y'all are not my family, not yet, and these people in Germany wish to help me, but they too are not doing so great finacially, but are surviving and willing to take me in to help me out, what to do, I got my passport, but.... need advice please.

Whata loser I am did you reaad this stuff, My God I am a big baby, but I got an eating problem that I can't overcome by myself, so what do I do? I must do something, doing nothing will kill me for sure, so maybe Germany may help, God help me, I speak no German and have no money, Lord what now?

I keep working here, what else can I do, but I am already back to my old ways of eating, and pepsi's too at 1 a day, for now, and my big breakfast and then , let's not say as I am ashamed, but am helpless to stop, why why why, others can stop and get help, why not me, because they got friends and family and money ( this means a home and family and friends with each day, unlike me on the road with no one and no home either,so I am up againgst it, why why why?)

Patrick Kane

360-915-3445

feel free to call and yell at me if you want, not sure it would help, but I'll try anything, I do really enjoy living, and would love to take back my life, but I am losing the battle, for now...

mailto:pktruckdriver@msn.com

Published Thursday, November 05, 2009 11:10 AM by pktruckdriver

Bear-up said:

I'm really sorry to not see a ton of responses to your plea already. I sure wish I had some answers, but one thing I can tell you is that not all of us have tons of friends and family and support. It's just that some of us are still fortunate to have a job that keeps a roof over our head and the ability pay the essentials of bills to keep the wolves at bay. There's some of us who get up every day and hug our animal(s) and we deal with life as we find it. It sounds like that's what you're trying to do too, but none of us can make a decision about whether you should go to Germany or not, that's a decision only you can make.

One thing I've found for myself that has helped me get through some tough times and I start asking "why?" is to change that question to asking "how?" and employing a different part of my brain that helps me to get out of or through a tough spot. It gives me more of a feeling of being in control rather than the helpless victim of circumstance. I don't know if that would help in your situation or not, everyone is totally different, but it's worked for me.

Good luck.

November 06, 2009 03:11 AM EST

Rick1945 said:

i just called patrick on the # he put on hios blog. i was a bit skeptic as im sure some of you are. but after talking to him for about a half an hour i really believe he is legit. he sounds like a very nice man . feelfree to call him you will see what i am . in todays troubled world we need to help our fellow man when we can'i dont have much my self but he refused to take anything from me. i asked and he said he was a baspist christine. i never met him but i feel he is for real. even a call to tell him you are praying for him. i really believer he needs our prayers if nothing else. i know there aRE a lot of people out there hurting where others are not. i believe in a second chance , i know i got one on ns. i lost 120 lbs in 8 months . GOD bless ns and patrick and all you ns members and your families."RICK AND VERDELLE>". . I believe in GOD and prayers and right know patrick needs our prayers.

November 06, 2009 03:40 PM EST

linna62 said:

Hey Patrick, I haven't heard from you in a while. Did you have a chance to check with Swift, Knight or Ruan? I don't know if they are local to you now but it might be worth a try. Perhaps this job will tide you over till the better one comes?

You aren't a quitter,being lost and quitting are very different. I am working all weekend but text me and maybe we can find some time to talk. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

November 06, 2009 11:24 PM EST

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