I have slacked off again. I haven't exercised in almost 2 weeks now...and I can't tell you the last time I have had a perfect on-plan day. Seriously. And to boot, I stepped on the scale and it gave me a not so nice reading. I know, I know...it's my own choice. Eat on plan or eat what everyone else is eating. On-plan gets me nice scale readings, pounds dropped...an actual waistline. Eating what everyone else is eating seems like a good idea at the time, but now look at me. Waistline that I was getting? Gone. Nice 49 lb. weightloss? Gone. Nice feeling of self-esteem and like I'm an actual normal person who deserves the things that every other normal person deserves? You guessed it...gone. I'm not sure what it is about the extra weight that we carry that makes us think that we aren't worthy of the things that the "thin" or normal people are worthy of...but there it is. My self-esteem is practically rock bottom right now, and it's all my own doing. I know better. This happens EVERY time and I promised myself that it wouldn't happen this time, yet it is. Why? Am I afraid of what being thin entails? New clothes. Fabulous self-esteem. What the heck is so wrong with me that I'd be SO weirded out by having a normal looking shape that I would sabotage myself each and every time I get half-way there? I am well on my way to gaining back every ounce that I had lost in the first place, and by personal experience, I know that if that happens, ALL those pounds come back with friends. I started out on my NS journey almost 1 year ago at 271. I got myself down to 221.4 at my lowest. I think that I'm somewhere in the 240 range right now. There is absolutely no reason for that. I should be at goal. I should have been at goal months ago. But like I said. No one to blame but me. I know how I am. I know that I have to have some kind of food addiction, but I also know that I can overcome that. I have before- to lose 50 lbs. I can do it again. I NEED to do that again, because I refuse to let the scale go back up one more ounce closer to that 271. Today is a new day. A fresh start...Today, I redirect myself down the path to healthy living... My fiance and I drive over the road, so I have limited access to the NS site, but starting now, every chance I get I will get on here and blog. I will make goals for myself. I will get weightloss back, exercise, drink my water....and screw what everyone else is eating! It's not even worth it to eat that junk. It tastes good for the moment, but isn't worth all the low self-esteem and having to tattle on myself in a blog on the NS website for all y'all to see! :) OK. I'm done rambling on now...except to give myself a goal. This week: get myself back onto the NS plan and exercise. I plan on losing the first 3 lbs towards my goal...