As I sit here I am contemplating how I am going to handle my 2 week vacation.  It is going to be a challenge to keep within my limits during the course of this time.  I will be going up north to our cottage with the rest of my siblings and our families. 

Besides loading my new iPOD, my 40 pound loss reward, LOVE IT, with every CD surrounding my work cubby . . . from Amy Grant to ZZ Top . . . I'm thinking about how dieting is going to work.

I won't be alone, when I'm alone it's easy to put food out of my mind. 

There will be 17 other people and I.  (Which will cause some stress.  O yes it will.) 

"Regular" food will be in abundance I am sure. 

Tons of snacks around to tempt me.

  I think about it and you know what . . . I haven't had a potato chip since February 17th. 

 Wow. 

  Oh I have 100 calorie pop corn.  Lots.  Just about every night. 

  It's a great fiber to have. 

Ask your dietitian. 

 I'm lucky, I have access to one.

Yep, popcorn every night and I still have lost 47.7 pounds.  It's working, so I'm not bucking it any.

But it's not the same as them darn salty crunchy chips.

I know one thing for certain.  I really need to keep my eye on the prize.

I started this journey needing to lose 142 pounds.  Now I only have 94.3 to lose.

I'm finding it "do"-able.

So I'll pack my own cooler with food that I can eat.  I'll pack a box with my meals.  I'll tow the line.

But there are meals I will be able to eat outside the box.

Literally, I won't have to open one.

Fish Boil one night.  Salmon  Yummy.  Walleye poking around in there too I believe.

All in moderation jaWHOdee, all in moderation.

And I personally am going to make certain there is plenty of nice garden greens salad :*)

Let the good times roll!

Hugz and Happy 4th to all :*)

 that is what keeps running through my mind as I sit and blog today. My hands are so cold. Now that I've lost some of my weight, I don't continue to sweat all the time. The downfall of that is that my office here at work seems to have the thermostat set a 20 below. Or at least my cold hands think so.

I haven't blogged in a while. Nothing to profound to say I suppose. Life is continuing forward. It always does. No matter how bleak one day will seem, the sun does manage to shine the next. I am at peace with life.

My weight loss is continuing to move forward at a rewarding pace. I first started the program on February 18th. At that point my goal weight was 142 pounds away. Now after a 44 pound weight loss, I can say I only have about 97 pounds more to loss. I am reserving the right to change that number as I get closer to what may possibly be my goal weight. I am not sure what my ideal weight should be. According to some chart some weight expert made, I should be around 152 to 165. So I am open minded that I may possibly not really need to lose as much as I think.

Right now I kind of understand how Anorexia may feel. I know I've lost 44 pounds. My scales tell me. My pocket book tells me, as I've had to buy new pants and shirts twice now. People tell me they notice a big difference. But honestly, right now when I look in the mirror, it all looks pretty much the same to me. But even that doesn't sway me much. It is what it is. I can't expect my body to change it's shape overnight. I just celebrate the small victories as each ounce comes off.

My mother continues to fair well with her Alzheimer's. She is quite the character at times. And as frustrating as the condition is, I can't help but laugh out loud at some of the antics Hester, the lady who looks like my mom is but really isn't, manages to do in a day. From taking glasses from another residence face to pulling a fire alarm. It's rather like having a child in boarding school. Or a reform school, depending upon the phone call reporting what she was up to that day. But I feel it important that we take each incident in, mull it around, find the humor, and move on. I am so happy she is in a safe and comfortable environment, with lots of company and lots of activities to stimulate her.

School is over for the summer. Haze has managed to move to the 6th grade. Even if her report card was muddled with poor grades from poor effort. Hopefully she will see the benefits to doing her assigned homework next year. Things are going to be a little different for her during the next year of school. I will be putting in place some new rules which include major limiting of "screen" time during the school week. Limiting the use of computers, TV, and video games to Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday. After any weekend school projects. But right now I am basking in the warm summer sun and the truce in the homework wars.

It's worth repeating, I am at peace with my life right now.

La Paix,

jaWHOdee

What's up?

Nothing.

Good!  Less excitement is wonderful right now.  I think the toll of funerals and weddings have worn me out for a bit.  Enough excitement for a while thank you.  Bored is good :*)

I'm still truckin' along with Nutrisystem and doing FaNtAsTic too.  I even stayed the course at the restraunt for Mother's Day.  Although the restraunt had the world's most boring salad bar for someone like me.  But it was great fellowship, and that's all that matters :*)

Speaking of Mom's day . . . my 11 year old daughter made me breakfast in bed . . . well, not really in bed, she did use the kitchen . . . lol . . . but I was treated to NS waffles topped with fruit and a daub of FF cool whip, coffee and a nice chocolate Schwan's FF fudge bar for my dairy.  It was one dang stone cold waffle by the time she got it to me, but I enjoyed every bite and really appreciate the love that went into it.  She quizzed me the night before on what I could have or couldn't have.   She even got up at 6:30 am to make it for me!

I am loved :*) :*)

You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you

I turned 50 today.  WTF.  How the heck did that sneak up on me?

Ah well, I hear the AARP rates are pretty good.

And next year I will be reporting my weight loss to be 100+ pounds.

I'm sure of it!

It's a great birthday.  Even if it is for 50.  Lots of nice surprises at work.  I'm still staying on plan with my meals today.  Although the rest of the computer geeks in the office will be ordering Pizza in for my birthday.   I told them it was not a problem for me if they did.  It's our tradition to have birthday pizza.

I on the other hand, have shrimp on my lettuce for my special day.

special day, special protein. 

Well, okay, I put it on other days too.  Have to, the cute Schwan's dude brings it to me.  If I don't order the frozen garlic shrimp, how will I see the cute dude?

It's a win/win.

I'm wearing a skirt I haven't worn in 2 years.  It's almost too big now!

I have had 3 people now seek me out to ask me what I am doing to make myself look so much younger and healthier.  I hope I am giving them the inspiration they need to also seek a healthier life.

Have a great day! 

I am :*)

Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party.

I would like you to dance
(Birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance
(Birthday)
I would like you to dance
(Birthday)
Dance

I would like you to dance
(Birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance
(Birthday)
I would like you to dance
(Birthday)
Dance

You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you

Weddings and Funerals . . .

I recently have attended a couple events that as expected, would involve food.

An over abundance of food.

As is the social norm for such events.

And of course, lots of high caloric drink in the full blown alcohol version or in the sweet fruity non-alcohol variety.

These events came in the form of a wedding one week, and then as a funeral the next week. 

I’m walking proof that you can attend these types of events, and you can stay on plan.  You just have to want to do so. 

Let me tell you about it.

The wedding was a one night event.  It even had a theme . . . Prom . . . Prom dress encouraged, but not required.  Sigh.  No dress.

No date either.   Husband and daughter would be attending another function.  Figures; Here it is 32 years later and I’m still dateless for the Prom.

So that turned out to be pretty much a no brainer as far as staying on the Nutrisystem plan goes.  I just made sure I ate my dinner before I headed out the door. When I went to the bar it was to get some water or a diet soda.  I just passed by the food table and the cake table completely.

It was okay.  I really would rather melt off some more weight than to eat a piece of cake. 

 If you have to eat, when you get there, fill up on the raw veggies.  I’ve noted that at just about every event where there is food, there is normally a tray of raw veggies.

Plus this one was easier because I was “just a guest”.  Not one of the main stars where I would be required to eat dinner with the crowd.

But the funeral.  . . .   Well, that’s another story.  That was going to be a camped out at the funeral home event.

Not such a “no brainer” on how to stay on plan few days. 

The first night viewing was from 5 pm to 8 pm.  I had been home all day and had a very late lunch and figured I’d be okay until I got home.  I really hadn’t put much plan in it.  A small mistake on my part.  But luckily, my SIL co-workers who sent over trays of subs also sent along a couple trays of sides.  One with raw veggies and dip, one with apple slices and caramel dip.  I just had some of each, minus the dips.  I was very thankful to see those two types of foods on the table.  Especially when it dawned on me I had not had my afternoon fruit and dairy/protein.   My bad.

Then next day we were to be there from 2 PM until 8 PM.  I actually would be heading home myself around 6 PM.  As much as I adore my in-laws, I knew I wouldn’t last the whole afternoon and evening at the funeral home.  

I knew now I needed a game plan.

So I packed a survival bag. 

In this bag I put a NS lunch bar, a yogurt, and some fruit.  I also threw in a couple pre-made crystal light water bottles.  Before I left home I made sure that I had a big salad with protein for lunch.  

I ate the Lunch bar on the way over . . . LOL. . . needed a wee chocolate fix.

There was a box of water in the basement.

 Husband had also had a big cooler in the back of his explorer with ice and water bottles.

Along with some barley pop.

(This is their 4^th funeral in 20 months.  They’ve even figured out how to tailgate at the funeral home).

I avoided the barley pop like the plague.  Not just for diet reasons.  I’ve learned alcohol makes me want to smoke.  Plus, experience has taught me well, it will only make me weepier. 

I never did make it to my afternoon snack.  I headed home around 6 PM and made some dinner.  I’d not overate which was my biggest fear.

I’d under-ate.  Which can be just as bad.

I need to lose 110 more pounds.  This means I need to have 2 extra carbs and an extra fruit in my day.  I made a bag of 100 calorie popcorn for the carbs as a late night snack, but still was behind 2 fruits for the day.

I was unable to make up the food I missed.

Next day I was determined I would do much better.  I packed a bag with Fruit, Yogurt, NS lunch bar, and a couple Crystal Light water bottles.  Water is always in abundance.

After the funeral we headed to the church for lunch. 

As you can imagine, there was going to be temptation galore.  Nobody cooks as well as a group of ladies from church.  Any church.  There is always the good time tested pot luck dishes spread out in a glorious bounty.  God always smiles down on such affairs and makes our tastes buds extra appreciative of the good food.

Or perhaps it all tastes better because of the good fellowship too?  Which ever, it’s all just plain good!

But I was looking for that one special dish that would make it okay to leave my packed bag in the car. 

I did a scan of the food table.

And there it was.  At the end of the table, and I swear, I heard music and a beam of light shined down on it . . .   at the very end of the large table filled with so much tempting homemade goodness . . . . . there stood a  beautiful bowl of tossed salad with a variety of salad dressing bottles dancing around it.

God bless the Church Lady who brought that dish! 

So I left my bag in the car.  I waiting and talked and laughed in the line.  I walked to the table and grabbed my plate.  I keep my eye on the prize.  I walked passed the dish of cheesy potatoes. I chatted past the dishes filled with slivered ham and beef. Right by baskets of warm rolls.  I accepted condolences over the bowls filled with every kind of savory goodness.  But I did not lift a spoon.  Not until at the very end of the table when I reached my prize.  There I filled my plate with the glorious tossed salad.  There may have been a small glitch, which really wasn’t a problem, just had to have less of it, and that would be there was no FF dressing. 

The point of this story? 

Besides that I’ve now learned that from this point forward, when it’s my turn to donate a dish, I’m making a large tossed salad with dancing dressing bottles.  And the lead dancer will be a FF dressing.

The point dear reader is that if you truly want to stay on course with your diet, you can.  You just need to take the time to make a plan.  Pack a bag if need be.  Stick a bag of raw carrots in your coat pocket for the movie or ball game.  Switch lunch and dinner around so you can throw a NS lunch bar in your pocket.  Heck, those bars are like having candy anyway.  Or take your package of NS snack and have it earlier in the day, or later in the day, depending upon your normal time for dessert.

If there is a will, there is a way! 

Dancing Dressing Bottle Hugs,

Ja-who-dee

Well, the lighter side of the news would be me . . . yep . . . a whole 31.6 pounds lighter. 

That's a big wad of fat . . . imagine lined up 126 sticks of butter, then throw in a few more pats . . . that's how much fat has come off my body.

And all I do is eat food.

Constantly.

I swear, somedays it seems like I have to stay up late to eat all my food.

Gotta Love That!!

I'm totally committed to losing this excess body weight this time around.  I don't know why now I'm so comitted, and in my younger years I wasn't.

Perhaps because when your younger you always think like Scarlet O'Hara . . .

"I'll worry about that tomorrow" . . .

Well, frankly my dear, I'm running short on tomorrows.

This year I turn . . . oh gasp, oh me, oh my . . . 50 . . . I swear I was just 20 the other day.  How'd all these years creep up?  Yep, 50 is the new 30 or 40.  Something like that.  But it still is a turning point. 

It's like when I finally got off my duff and stopped smoking.  I'd done the math.  I'd been smoking more than half my life.  Wow.  But that's what happens when you start smoking at 11.  Seriously.  I was young.

Well, I've been messing around and half heartitly trying to lose weight for 49 years.  That's all my life.  It's well past time for me to stop playing Scarlet. 

I've been tested a couple times on my commitment with the program and having to face public affairs with massive food involved.  I've held strong.  I will hold strong over then next few days too.

And Lord knows I'll be tested on the food.  Good yummy homemade goodnesses that will come out of every Lutheran Ladies Aide cook book in the county.  Good yummy home made down on the farm baked goods from farm oven to the family table.  Full of fat, cholesterol, and calories.  I can smell it now.  I can vision it now.

And it all looks and smells wonderful, but ya know what.  I'm not going to dive into the dessert table.  I'll put down the spoon for that homemade mac and cheese.  I'm ready to pass it all up and let the rest of the guests enjoy each and every bite.  It's okay. 

For once in my life I see it all as it truely is.  It's just food.  It's not my lover, my friend, nor my confidant.

It won't be like I'm giving up a million bucks.  I'm just giving up a piece of pie.

And I can handle that!

Skinny Minded Hugs

ja-who-dee

It is not the length of a life, but the depth of a life ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today I blog with a heavy heart.  Yesterday, my husbands only brother passed away.
 
It has been a rough road for my husband's family.  They lost their sister, then 3 months later their mother.  Then less than a year later, at the begining of this year they lost another sister.  Now Brother.

Now I understand that God gives us no more than we can handle.  But dude, this is a lot. 

We mourn that we have lost him in this life, but celebrate that he has gone to join his Father, Mother, and Sisters.  To meet again near and distant relatives who passed from this life on the ultimate journey.

Must be one heck of a party.

Love and hugs to you all.

ja-who-dee

I’ve been having a twitching eye for the last week.  Although my shorter sister says, “eat a banana”, I know what it really is.  It isn’t a lack of potassium.  It’s a stress related twitch.  It’s time for the quarterly meeting at the nursing home that Hester, the lady who looks like my mom but isn’t my mom, lives.  She lives there quite happily too, I should add.  I love that she is living there.  I am thrilled to death that she is very happy there.  But I know that there are unpleasant things to talk about at this meeting. Because even though my mom happily lives there, Hester, the lady that looks like my mom, but isn't my mom, lives there too.

There are many emails flying back and forth between nursing home and we siblings. There is a room change looming.  My eye starts twitching right after the first email hits my inbox.  They want to move mom to the special unit for Alzheimer’s that they have.  They want to do this move on Easter.  Who wants to spend all day Easter speculating about how this move is going to go for mom  My eye starts twitching more.  My brother talks to the home, and the move is postponed.  Okay, but it still will need to be addressed.

 Twitch, twitch, twitchtwitchtwitch, twitch. 

There is going to always be a meeting.  I know that, I’ve accepted that.  But still, it’s rough to hear about her progression with Alzheimer’s.  Especially from the people who aren’t going to sugar coat anything for you.  Even though you may have read about the different stages, identified some of them yourself, and seen them happen to other people’s parents, you’re never prepared to hear it about your mom.  Not really.  

Twitch, twitch, twitchtwitchtwitch, twitch

These meetings are double rough because my mom is there.  We need to talk about delicate things like bathroom and grooming issues. Or lack of.  Not on the facilities part, they try to get Hester, the lady that looks like my mom but really isn’t my mom, to partake in these things.  Hester doesn’t see the need to shower or change.  Hester doesn’t realize that she has gone to the bathroom, but not in the bathroom.  I’m sure you catch my drift.  To prove the point, Hester, the lady who looks like my mom, but isn’t my mom, has wet her pants.  Even with the soiled pants  on her body, she still can continue to deny that she has.  Rule number 1, 2, 3, and 4, you can never reason with an Alzheimer's patient.  Don't even try.

Twitch, twitch, twitchtwitchtwitch, twitch

Hester, the lady that looks like my mom but really isn’t my mom, has taken to hoarding other peoples belongings.  Things like silverware from the dining room, CDs from the library, remotes from her neighbors. 

Twitch, twitch, twitchtwitchtwitch, twitch.

Sticks them down her pants or puts them in the pocket of the coat she has taken to constantly wearing.  The facility staff will just calmly wait until she is out of her room and then go in and find the missing objects.  They are used to residents with dementia and Alzheimer’s doing this.  It’s a day to day happening for them.     But still, it’s hard to hear about your mother doing this.  But of course, this isn’t my mother, this is Hester, the lady that looks like my mother, but isn’t really my mother, that is doing these things.  

Alzheimer’s is such a wicked hag. 

Twitch, twitch, twitchtwitchtwitch, twitch.

We move on and brooch the subject on the room changes with the staff that is present at the meeting.  There are lots of musical room change happenings at the facility.  To us, these seems like it could be a very confusing thing to do to Hester, the lady that looks like my mom, but really isn’t my mom.

To be moved to a completely different hall.  Oh man, not just a different room, but a whole different hall.

Twitch, twitch, twitchtwitchtwitch, twitch

There is a social pecking order between the residents.  I’ve seen it.  My sister has seen it.  It’s not surprising.  It’s just like high school all over again, but with elderly people.  The card playing group that she currently hangs with, well, they don’t like the people from the other halls joining in.  My mother loves to play cards.  Quite frankly, I think it’s what is keeping mom still alive.  Otherwise Hester, the lady who looks like my mom, but isn’t my mom, would take completely over.

Twitch, twitch, twitchtwitchtwitch, twitch.

But after hearing about what the move to the different hall could offer mom, well, it’s a good thing.  There is a better staff to patient ratio going on.  There are actually more group activates organized for the residents on that hall.  There are activities designed for physical exercise also.  They set aside time during the day and do hair and nails.  Heck, it actually sounds more like a girl’s slumber party than a nursing home.  I know I’m confident the move is a good thing now that we’ve had a chance to talk with the staff about.  Much more so than from getting an email that says we want to move your mom to another room with little explanation.  That makes my eye twitch.

Twitch, twitch, twitchtwitchtwitch, twitch. 

Good news is, mom is fine with moving.  She doesn’t care what room she has.  She gets along with everyone.  Which is true she does, and that makes life so much easier.  So many people I know have had to make living arrangements for their parents other than having them live at their homes alone.  We are lucky that my mother wanted to stay at the nursing home.  We are very lucky that she loves living at her nursing home.  I am counting that as a big blessing.   I’m in tune to the fact that we have it easier than some. For now anyway.  I think that is what really helps me keep things all in perspective with dealing with Hester, the lady who looks like my mom, but isn’t my mom. 

I suppose it’s better I have the twitchy eye than to resort to binge eating.  Or binge drinking.  Or binge smoking.  A few years ago I would have probably done all three when I was faced with such a stressor.  Or heck, even a lesser one would have sent me down that path. 

Now that the meeting has taken place, decisions have been made, and all is at rest for the moment, by eye has stopped twitching.

Guess I didn’t need that banana after all!

Chiquita Hugs and Kisses,

jaWHOdee

There's a new man in my life and I love to see him turning his big truck into our driveway.

He comes when my husband isn't home.

He brings me wondeful treats.

Icy cold treats.

Treats that soon become warm and lushious.

Making me squeal with delight.

Making me want to see him more and more . . .

It's the Schwan's man.

He delivers the new frozen select NS food to me.

All I can say is, it's a wonderful change.

Almost too good to be true.

Have you met your Schwan's man yet?

to my first 30 pound mark I can taste it . . .

oh wait, that's just the tuna I had for lunch . . .

but I am pretty close to the 30 mark . . .

I'm still a wee bit leary.  I've lost this weight before.  I want it to be gone, gone, gone . . .

I've got to tackle this weight.  There is no going back to the "old" ways of poor diet and no exercise . . .

I want to live longer . . . hold grandbabies . . . Hazel is 11 . . . I'm looking at 50 this year . . . I'm going to have to live a heck of a lot longer to hold grandbabies, 'cause she's going to NOT have babies any time soon  . . . . if she waits for as long as I did . . . I was 38 when I had her . . . I'll be 77 when she has a baby . . .

I ain't gonna last that long if I don't take better care of me!

And right now, that's what it's all about . . .

taking care of me . . .

So far, so good.

I'm thinking I may make it!

Here comes Peter Cottontail
Hoppin' down the bunny trail,
Hippity hoppity,
Easter's on its way

This year at Christmas time I was going to be laid up from having an abdominal hysterectomy a few days before Christmas.  I knew I was going to be in no shape to be doing the Santa Claus thing, and knew that my daughter was pretty much sure there wasn't a Santa, but really wasn't ready to NOT believe.  Oh I remember when I was at that point.

So anyway, the cat was offically let out of the bag on the Santa gig, or so I thought when we had discussed just getting a Wii and games for the Wii as a family present.

"Haze" I asked her, "you do realize this means that there won't be many presents under the tree"

"But I'll still have my Santa presents" she shyly answered

"Now Hazel, come on, after all this you can't tell me you haven't figured out who Santa is" I answered, "I know you know for sure it isn't your dad!"

She laughed. 

"Yeah, but I was kind of hoping it wasn't true" was her reply.

I few days after that conversation I had decided that we all could stand just one more big present to share, and ordered us a nice sized flat screen TV.  I'm a very generous Santa.   I was telling my husband about it, and Hazel was coming into the room. 

 I said "now though, we'll also have to think of this as your birthday present, my birthday present, our Easter presents"

"Awe come on" Hazel spouts wide eyed "you mean your the Easter Bunny too?"

At which point we all burst out laughing and I said,

"do you want to know about the Tooth Fairy now?"

Here' comes Peter Cottontail
Hoppin' down the bunny trail
Hippity hoppity
Happy Easter Day.